Bzzzt **Hello** Bzzzzt

Bzzzzt Click Hello mother-computer-box beep boop

I hope this electronic whir buzzz zpt letter finds you well.

I have enclosed some photos from my recent blllrt klap bip

crime spree. Please understand I did not take these

wham bzzzt crackle photos because photography

is for space queers.

How are things in the old beep boop boop beep neighborhood?

I remember as a young assassin droid, not only was I brrr wickt zap

discriminated against by the lighter-plated, shinier protocol droids,

but by humans as well. It was a tough neighborzap beephood, but I knew

you understood when I joined the Crazy Southside IG's. I brought home

beep bZzzzzzt servo milk and laser bread for the whole family,

even if I had to rob a few creek bop beep bom Ugnaught Marts.

But I left the gang life and signed a deal with beeep brrm krrt bzzap

Cloud City Records. Lando Calrissian had engineered all of the best records of

the brreeem krack pop 20X90's, including Figrin Dan's "A Bith Ain't Modal No Mo',"

Max zeeep bam bop Reebo's "Meaner than a Sarlaac" and the Admiral

Thrawn Trio's kreeeeezzzzt booom beeeeep boooooop beeeeeep

"99.86 Problems (but the Force Ain't One)." My first single,

"4-Loms on Da Side" made me over seventeen bzzzt beeep galactic credits,

which I sent home to the hood. You put a new coat of gunmetal paint

on the north bzzzzt bap kitchen wall. I remember, mother-computer-box, I rmemeber.

But once you pull a mean blaster trigger and shoot off a clone's head,

bzzzzt beeeeeep boop krack beep bip booop biiipt bap mother-computer-box,

there's no going back. Bounty Hunter Scandal was everywhere, and Mr. Calrissian,

who'd been like a black as jkkkkkt whhiiiir creeek bip father to me, ripped my

contract up in front of my face. It was a dark day for a robot from the bip bap hood.

And then the aliens. Did you know that I was trapped

in a cargo-hold full of beep boop bazzzt Bossks for seventeen reboot

cycles? I hate Bossks more than I hate even bam zap beeeep

Mace Windus, and you know I ain't being racist. There's just something

about a Bossk that makes an assassin droid question

Robo-Allah's master plan for beep zzzzot all of us.

Please accept this holo-check for exactly

whirrr zzzzap zzzot click beeep booop beeep

fiften galactic click klack beeeep boooop beeeeep bop bip zzzzot

credits, which is more than you beep boop make in a beeep

hundred thousand reboot beep boop zzzzak click software update cycles.

My love, mother-computer-box,

IG-8X.